Inspired by Kelly McGonigal’s book “The Willpower Instinct”

Kelly McGonigal is a health psychologist who is known for her work in the field of ‘science help’ as it relates to achieving personal goals despite inner conflict. Her book “The Willpower Instinct” has been called the best and most practical book on increasing willpower. There are several facts that are both riveting and useful.

1. There are actually three parts of our willpower: I will, I won’t and I want.

Each of us struggles with certain aspects of self-control. We whether have to push ourselves to say – I will, or we force ourselves to say – I won’t. Our “I want” power is the one that reminds us of our goals, big dreams, and helps to fight with temptations.

2. Self-control is like a muscle

“It gets tired from use, but regular exercise makes it stronger.”  We can train this muscle and develop our self-control which will result in the increase of our willpower. Try to listen to your inner self that tells you to do what you don’t want, or stops you from doing what you want. Listen to it twice, three times and watch how with each next time it gets easier and easier. Then, as soon as you relax and allow yourself to yield to temptation, the muscle gets weaker and it’s much harder to get back on track.

3. Willpower challenges are not measures of moral worth.

It is in our human nature to praise ourselves as soon as we succeed in following our own rules of discipline. We right away consider it something morally good, and being good gives us permission to be bad. As a result, we lose self-control, do what we don’t want to do, or don’t do what we want to do. We fail to achieve our goal and start punishing ourselves because again consider ourselves bad. To have better self-control, don’t focus on moral worth but on your goals and value.

4. Our brains mistake the promise of reward for a guarantee of happiness.

When after a long day or difficult times we feel like we deserve a break, our brain pretty often turns to wrong sources of pleasure. We chase satisfaction from things that do not deliver. Kelly McGonigal talks about two ways of strategizing to get stress-relief – most effective and least effective. Such as exercising, praying, reading, music, time with friends and family verses shopping, drinking, smoking, too much Internet, TV or movies.

 5. Temptation and procrastination happen because we don’t value our future enough.

When we make the decision to do or not do something, we consciously or subconsciously evaluate the consequences of our decisions. We could wake up at 6 am and tell ourselves – I want to sleep, it’s more important to me now. This means, we don’t see the value of our future plans – to go run and get fit as a result, to start our day earlier and get more done, to become more productive. “To escape this mind-set, we must find a way to make the future matter.”

6. Self-control is influenced by social proof, making both willpower and temptation contagious.

Whether we have a strong will and great self-control or tend to fall into temptation very easily, it rubs off on our friends and people in our circle of influence. A great advice from the author is to surround yourself with people who inspire you to be more disciplined and motivate you to achieve your goals.

7. Don’t try to suppress your thoughts, emotions and craving.

Of course, we also shouldn’t act on our every desire and craving. What’s important is to recognize what the feeling, the emotion, the desire. Embrace it, accept it, but don’t act on it. Notice when and why you usually give yourself permission to procrastinate. Use this knowledge to train your brain not to do that again next time. Self-awareness is our best ally in the fight with temptations. Like Kelly McGonigan says:  “When you stop trying to control unwanted thoughts and emotions, they stop controlling you.”

 “Self-awareness is the one “self ” you can always count on to help you do what is difficult, and what matters most. And that is the best definition of willpower I can think of.”